we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
