just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
