I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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