ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
