I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize