my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
