Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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