does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
