I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
