turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Never underestimate the power of titties
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
