I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize