11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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