I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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