i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
