i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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