make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
