the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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