I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
