my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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