remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
