My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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