if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You ruined the universe
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
