you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
