please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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