Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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