her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
