atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We had to coat check the pizza.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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