we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
