Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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