Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
