nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize