Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
