this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
