My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize