I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
