I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
