I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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