oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
