So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
