thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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