Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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