Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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