I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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