Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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