I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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