Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
