She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
