I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I deserve to be covered in dicks
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
