DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So here I am, sexting at work.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
