i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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