Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
it hurts more in the daytime
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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