That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
