And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
