My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
