he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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