Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
