Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize