dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I could make wine with my vomit
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
