i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
