I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
