sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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