just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
