First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
