i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you had me at cake vodka
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
