If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
