I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
