How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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