i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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