Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
