so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
