I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
