I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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