I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
