it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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