he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
