i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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