We got so high we made milksteak
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
