I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize