woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
