I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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