The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Mom said you looked used
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
