My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
