woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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