My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
