OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
