Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize