Umm I'm too high to move.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
