My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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