we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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