you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
