So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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