Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
