His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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