i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
