im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize