Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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