We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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