Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
