im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
