I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
