The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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