Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
