dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
