So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize