Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
